Can someone die of tiredness??

My plan to sleep early the last night did not work out. I went to bed at...9.30?? I was really tired alright, but just lay there tossing and turning. Tried watching some stuff to relax, listening to music, just lay there in silence...nothing seemed to work. I reckon I only fell asleep close to 1.

And so today, we were understaffed again. And lotsa washing and work...as usual. By the time I finished work, I was sooo tired. Thank goodess, my brother borrowed 'FOG' the company car back. Why its called FOG?? It's number plate spells FOG. Picked me up from work, and I tried to get smart by directing him without the navigation system...and so we took like 20 mins to get back?? I was just exhausted...

Just as he turned into my road, my whole body just gave in, and really, I felt like I was passing-out, I was dying. Tears of tiredness...I just remember mumbling to my bro "I'm dying...I'm dying..." and I could hear him asking... "are you sick?? where pain??" He literally had to carry me up the stairs and then, I just lay on my bed for...how long?? I dont know...I cant fall asleep, but I'm just so tired.

I think I'm really weak. Yea Ee Yan, laugh at me...I know I'm weak. :P

And many of you will be thinking..."Why doesnt she quit her job!!" Its like...I feel that I've got a responsibility, as in I've given in m notice that I'll be leaving on the 8th May, I dont think it will be responsible if i just quit earlier..??

The wonders of caffeine

Survived on caffeine today. Good thing that I get free flow of coffee and tea at work.
We were understaffed today, and the manager was kinda invalid, coz she sprained her knee. Thus, I did all the running around. Surprisingly, she was really nice to me... And, pay day today!! :D

Got my econs test results today. And YAY! I did much much better than expected. Way above what I expected... :D

I'm really tired... Another full day of work tomorrow, and guess what, I was kinda forced to volunteer to work on Bank holiday Monday. I just give in tooooo easily.

My eyes are shutting...so good night. Ciao.

@_@

What happens when you sleep for 4 hours only and you've gotta do 7 hours of hard labour??

I'm yet to find out. I'm feeling very very groggy...so watch out k, I dont want to snap at you.

Decisions

About an hours time, it will be sunrise. What on earth am I doing awake at this hour?

As the days draw close, it becomes clearer to me. But the arrow that seems to be pointing at the right direction doesnt seem to be the arrow I want to follow. I still refuse to acknowledge what I think is right. I want more confirmation.

Why am I wrestling with Him? Isn't His grace sufficient??

Little bits of my day

Whats new??

Economics test didnt go as well as I wanted it to be. Fingers cross...hopefully i'll get the marks i want...
On the brighter side, I did well for my law essay! :)

I am such a procrastinator. Tell me bout it. I took forever to iron my waitress uniform today, making sure every bit of it was straight and neat...i just didnt feel like working on my stats questions... :P So yea, i've to extremely straight shirts to wear to work. Since when did i put so much effort into work?? *rolls eyes*

Would wearing goggles while chopping a huge lot of onions help?? I cried my eyes out today while chopping a whole lot of fresh juicy onions... Should I try wearing goggles next time??

My flatmate's mum is back!!

Surprise surprise!!! The China guy that lives in the same flat as me...his mum all the way from Beijing made her SECOND visit to England and she is now staying in his room.
Yea, so whats the big deal?? Nothing wrong with his mum visiting rite??
As I noted, it is her SECOND visit here...and when she visited the first time, she stayed for...3 months?? THREE WHOLE MONTHS!! Means there's an extra person sharing the kitchen and being in your way when u cook. She isn't really very considerate, as in she'll push her way through while you're cooking and hog the stove...makes it kinda uneasy and 'ma fan'.
My other flatmate(girl from Cyprus) got so mad, and she claims she's gonna complain to the accomodation office!! HAAHAHAHAA!!! I wonder what's gonna happen. But...I kinda pity the lady from China, coz she came all the way??? But then again, we did tell him to ask her not to come, as it would be even more inconvineint having her around during exams time.

Talking about this China guy, he's really quite dumb. Literally silly and dumb. So many things he did...that just made us laugh...

Milk incident
He bought fresh milk from the supermarket and put it in the food cupboard. HELLO! It supposed to be refrigerated!!

Microwave incident
He used to eat a lot of microwavable food. And so, he puts his food in the microwave, and literally stares at the food going round and round in the microwave for 15 mins. Once, it even exploded and instead of quickly taking it out, he still kept watching it go round and round.
He once put the packed food into the microwave without taking off the plastic...
Even worse, he put his pizza into the oven, without removing the plastic wrap, and so he had extra plastic topping...YuMmm!

Orange juice/Squash
He bot fresh orange juice, opened it, had some, and put the rest of the juice in the cupboard. A few days later, he drank it again, came running to us, asking us why it tasted funny. When we told him it had gone bad, he didnt believe us...
He once bought squash and drank it without adding any water. He didnt know the difference between squash and juice, and when we try to tell him, he ignores us. After that, he complains that the 'juice' is much toooooo sweet. *cuckoo!*

Lots more silly incidents...i cant write all, coz its too many.

I kinda pity him sometimes...but then again, he said my mandarin was BAD! So much for trying to communicate with him in his native language. From now on, I speak to him in perfect English!! Buzz off you arrogant freak!

Good morning!!

Good morning kor kor, Good morning Josh Josh!! Had a nice night??

HAHAHA!! God knows why I'm still in Josh's house. What's Josh's assignment to do with me?? Giving him and my bro moral support I guess...Its like...6.15am now, and the assignment is still not done and we've not slept the whole night.

I feel like I've got no work to do...and I'm darn lazy!! BLEAH!

Computer virus

My internet had been acting strange the last two days. It connects, but after 3 mins, the connection just breaks. And so after 2 days, I figured that its because my computer may have a virus. And coz I just reformatted it 2 weeks ago, there's no anti-virus programme in it. So yea, no internet at home...

I'm in Josh's house...followed Josh and my bro after cell just to...bum around?? Yea I'm just SUPER lazy. Played CnC again, nothing to do ma...could have done some online practice test... but just procrastinated laaaa....
So here I am sitting on Josh's bed, blogging after an hours game of CnC. Still making excuses not to do my work! BLEAH!!

I wonder why Josh has been in such a bubbly wonderful mood this week. Hmmmm...?? Why Josh Josh..why??

Was just thinking...am I being overly sensitive to what people say to me?? Do I still get upset without a reason?? Some issues I guess I still havent totally got over...

My day

Accounting test went well (I think). My balance sheet balanced...so yay, happiness! With 15 mins to spare...I just tried recounting everything, while glancing around looking at the other students frantically tapping their calculators trying to balance their balance sheets.

Started doing a little revision today...well, wont really consider it revision, coz I'm going through a module that I've already passed? Meaning that I dont have to sit for the last test...but being 'kiasu', I will still want to get high marks... :P

My blog is getting boring...so...nite nite...I'm going to CnC!

Stressing coz he is...

Ee Yan's exams start tomorrow. He's stressed but I cant do anything.
Its hard being there for someone when you're thousands of miles apart. Like how he needed to talk to me, but I couldnt call him coz I dont have free minutes. I was so tempted to just call him and get charged 1 pound/min. *sigh*
And so I start packing my stuff coz packing it will make me feel happier...coz it reminds me I'm going home soon!

Financial Accounting test tomorrow.

Economics test on Thursday.

Statistics test on the week after...

And then finals start in 2 weeks...

Why am I feeling so relaxed? Am I over confident??? *shrugs*

Not rested

I cant remember the last time I had a sleepless night.
Is this what you call sharing another person's burden?
My internet is down...I think it got cut off coz we didnt pay the bill. Its not my responsibility...the bill doesn't come to me. Means that...I wont post this entry till tomorrow?? That is if...the connection comes back.

Triumph in the Skies is good to watch...especially when you're feeling down. Coz it's such a sad story...that it makes you cry.

I dont know what's disturbing me... Am I going through the same depression he faced 2 hours ago?

Lynn...please go to sleep. You're working tomorrow!

My trust is challenged...

Thank you Lord, for your everlasting love...
Thank you Lord, for grace...
Thank you Lord, for Your comfort and peace at times of trouble...
Thank you Lord, for granting me serenity...
Thank you Lord, for unveiling my eyes...
Thank you Lord, for strengthening me...
Thank you Lord, for touching me, and making me whole again...
Thank you Lord, for taking away all my fears...
Thank you Lord, for hope...
Thank you Lord, that I can still trust You, although my trust was challenged...
Thank you Lord, for being in control...

Fatigue

Why do I feel so super duper tired after working?

Its like, my body doesnt want to move, and I just wanna lie down and do nothing!

I'm starting to think that 5 pounds per hour is not good enough!! Two more weeks of working...*sigh*

Oh yea, by the way, my manager was being nice to me, even though i didnt turn up for work last Saturday... *puzzled* something up her sleeve??

Anybody want to cook dinner for me??

What happens when there is no drums??

Some little short clip on how Tricia and Roy played some 'drums' while Josh was playing some cute music on the key board.

A good morning greeting or wake up call maybe?? :P

Amazing!

The thought of Jesus loving me so much, and so unconditional makes me so touched!

Okay, to some of you, its just like saying "Human's have two legs" ie "DUH! Its obvious"

But by just thinking about Jesus's unconditional love for me, even though i keep on sinning and sinning and do things not pleasing to Him...He still loves me, and He never ever failed me...that thought just makes me shed a tear again.

Jesus loves me... :)

I feel happy!

~coz i'm going home in 5 weeks!

~coz I've handed in my last assignment

~coz I'm going home!

~coz I'm going home!

~coz I'm going home!

~coz I got a text message from my bf, telling me something that made me laugh

~coz I'm going home

~coz in 5 weeks time, I'm going home!

~coz I get to fly back to Malaysia in 5 weeks time

~coz I get to see my bf in 5 weeks

~coz I'm going home!!

~coz my bf still loves me...yea?? :P

So...lynn lynn is happy~ :D

Group work or Lynn's work?

Yea, I just came back after spending 6 hours in the library doing nothing but other people's work. It's a group essay, which means EVERY group member has to write an equal share and do their own share of work.

We suppose to meet up today to compile everything together...but oh no, it's not WE compiling it...its LYNN compiling it. To be fair, Miss P did her part well, and even helped me re-write some sections. So...why do I just shut up and not make a big hoo ha about it!?

Miss S is not too bright, she gave her bit, BUT it wasnt good enough. Ask her to do summore laa!! Not possible, coz she doesn't know how to do it. Miss H is disabled, she's deaf, so ok lor...cant blame her if her work is crap? Miss M didnt even turn up today, and was totally sarcastic when we asked her to email her work NOW!!! AND to make things worse, her work was mostly WRONG!

I really didnt bother re-doing everything like I did in the 1st group assignment. And yet, there were still loads to do. What drives me up the wall, is that when you're half way concentrating re-editing and re-doing the assignment, you can hear your fellow mates around the corner laughing at some joke on the internet. Which means, they are doing NOTHING! ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I reckon we're gonna get a crap grade for this...but who cares?? I already passed that module! HA!

I'm hungry coz i didnt eat lunch, going to korek my fridge now...ciao!

I miss watching tv

For those of you who didn't know, I dont have a television in my room, or my flat or anywhere i stay. I think the nearest television is like...in the house next to my flat owned by some unknown people. So yea, I havent watch tele for a long long time. Well, even if I did have a tv...it wont be the same...

I miss watching my chinese shows!! Soooooooo much!!

I miss watching the 6-7pm and 7-8pm chinese shows while eating dinner. Balancing my plate on my thighs and chest (sitting with my legs on the couch)and my eyes glued the tv. Barely eating anything except during advertisements.

I miss lying down on the sofa in front of the tv swtiching channels, and falling asleep.

I miss lying down on the couch downstairs watching tv while letting the fan blow me...and falling asleep in the middle of some boring malay show...

Yea, i do fall asleep a lot when i'm watching tv, so technically, I'm not watching tv rite??

Love like you've never been hurt

'Love like you have never been hurt'
When i stumbled upon this phrase on Wei Liang's blog, it really made me think. Now and again, this phrase will reappear in my mind...making me think think think....

Is it so easy to love someone, unconditionally, even though you've been hurt so many times?

I know I've hurt people who I love, and they've hurt me too...but can I go on loving them as much as ever??

I admit, very often, I bring back past events that hurt me to haunt them. Very often I question why I still love, even though it breaks my heart...
But love...like you've never been hurt...truly something which i would want to do.
I guess it involves forgiving, and not only forgiving but even forgetting.

Jesus loves me unconditionally...even though I've done so many things unpleasing to Him, and made Him sad. But He just forgives me, and everyday is a new day!
Can you imagine if Jesus remembers every little thing I did and haunts me with all the sins I've commited...

'Love like you've never been hurt'
I shall learn to love, like I have never been hurt.

End of holidays...

Easter holidays have finally come to an end. Hmmm...what have i achieved?? NOTHING!!!
No revision, no studying, no assignment. I am absolutely lazy!!

Finals is in a weeks time!! And for once, I am looking forward to it...why?? Coz straight away after finals, I am flying HOME to the GREAT land of MALAYSIA!! Foooooood!! Familyyyyy!! Friendsssss!! and of course...*ahem* him la... ehehehh..

Just a little update on what I have been doing. Spent this whole week playing Command and Conquer at my brother's place since my cousin from Kent is here. And in fact, I slept over at his place throughout this week...madness!! Totally ignorant of everything else, and been neglecting everything including my duty as a waitress, coz i ponteng-ed work on Saturday much to my manager's 'delight'. She was absolutely rude and furious with me...I'm ready to get a shelling from her when I go back to work on Friday or even a fire letter?? Not that I care...

Kok Yeen a.k.a. Den a.k.a. my cousin from Kent is going home tomorrow...kinda gonna miss him laa. SOunds a bit silly la, but will miss all the crap he talks about. And he's so contagious laughter. Awww....I'll see u again back home in summer yea?? :)

Assignment due Friday, three tests coming up soon, and finals in a months...then HOME!!! Thats the main thing that's keeping me sane!! Weeeeeeeeeeee! Back to my baby!!!

Oh yea...and which good soul would like to give me RM2800 so I can come home for Christmas?? I promise, I'll be nice to you....cook you great meals...and take u around Coventry... :D I'm sure Ee Yan will repay your kindness too, right Ee Yan??

Learning to trust God again

As Wei Liang mentioned, indeed it was a true breakthrough and revival. I thank God for the wonderful grace and power that He had shown all of us.
His presence was overwhelming, and really, i never ever experienced such a strong presence and revival. He spoke to each and every one of us...personally.

We left on Friday night. Weather was predicted to be bad (black ice on the road). Amazingly, the roads were dry and clear. Praise God! Reached there just in time before the hostel closed...again Praise God! It was kinda good that none of our phone's had reception(except people on 'three' network), as we really werent at all disturbed by any phone call etc.

If I were to tell everything that happened, its either I get tired of typing, or you get tired of reading. So...just a very short summary of what I experienced.

Saturday night, I believe was truly when God really touched all of us. I am amazed at how transparent the leaders were. Truly opening up their hearts humbling themselves. It just reminds me that I'm not the only one that is so imperfect. And I am not the only one struggling with my walk with God.

One great thing God has put into my heart, is the word trust. How I always say that I'm struggling to lay everything down at the feet of Jesus, and how I'm wrestling with God in the process. I guess it is because I dont trust God enough to let Him be in controll. And trully, God has planted a very big sense of security and trust in my heart. And sometimes, instead of ranting about all my problems and continuously complain to God, I learnt that there should be a time, where i should just be quiet, be still...and let Him speak to me. Often, I think that God didnt listen, or God isn't showing me anything...but, it is actually me, not listening and not being still to listen.

But as I told a friend...it is sooooooo difficult being still when problems are overwhelming. Think of it as falling into quicksand. The more you move, or try to get out, the more you sink. But if u just stay still and let someone help u out, you will be able to get out.

Photo's from cell retreat

Castleton was BEAUTIFUL! The old countryside kind of setting reminded me of Bukit Tinggi's Colmar Tropica, the French Village. Well, I can't compare coz Colmar Tropica was rubbish. Exploring the mountains was spoiled a little by the drizzle and cold on Saturday evening. Nevertheless, it didnt stop us from climbing mountains and hiking. I shall say no more, but let the photo's speak for itself.

Day 1


The hostel that we stayed in


My stupid umbrella





Climbing a steep hill


My hands very pricked by nettles while climbing...OUCH!


Reached the top at last..

We did it!





coming down was scary


I had to watch out for nettles


And so we fell


Love you gurls!




Day 2


Country side





and daffodils...


Peak Cavern


Ade and I


We sat down at the hills...


Sarah and I

Through the storm

I was so much reminded about being still and knowing God is in control. Easy to say, but it is really difficult to put it in action.

The storm has been going on for so long...that really, I am so tired. Whatever efforts I put in, is just shot down and nothing good comes out of it. As hard as I try, he doesnt seem to understand and know. Nevertheless, I am not giving up yet.
I know he is in great pain...and I know how broken he is. Yet, there is nothing i can do or say to make things better. And everytime I want to turn this relationship to God, he doesnt seem to agree.

I am really believing that only God can make this relationship work out. Because nothing I did seemed to work out. It is not that I dont trust him, or dont have security in him. But I guess I'm just worried that I'll lose him some day. And i didnt want that to happen. But today, I realize that I am so wrong.

I've made him hate me. I've made him go mad.

So...what can I do? How can I change the way he is thinking now...
I dont want him to take the blame. I have a part in this. I dont want him to be the only one giving in, because I know one day...he will just explode, as he is now.

Differences I see in us,...its growing bigger and bigger. This was not the confirmation I wanted.. Is God trying to tell me something?? Or is God trying to mould us into being better for each other?

I will be still, know You are God.

Back

Yes, I am back... And really so much has happened in the last three days. Where should I start? I guess will talk about cell retreat in a seperate entry, coz i think its gonna be really long.

Sunday night, went for evening service after returning back from Peak District. It was great how God reminded me of His presence again. Didnt go out for dinner, cos I had to rush home to settle some stuff, and ended up not eating dinner...(yes the 2 slices of Tesco value pizza was holding me up). Ended up sleeping late even though i was dead tired...but it didnt really matter.

Monday morning, tried to sort out the photographs...uploading them from my camera to my computer. Then...laptop overheated and shut off. Frustrating!! Turned it on again, and...my hard drive had failed. OKay, so my major source of sorting my problems out, and talking to my beloved was gone. And no matter what I tried to do...and even with my brother helping me...I could not get it to work. Really, I was soooo close to tears and i just felt soooo hopeless. I needed to use MSN, i needed to talk to him.

But I guess God was great, because very quickly, i felt the peace and comfort...and I knew that it wouldnt be that bad. Reformated the harddrive and reinstalled windows. All my files, photographs, movies...all gone! And the worse frustration is that...since my laptop overheats and shuts down, reformating the hard drive took forever!! Because the laptop kept shutting down...even with frozen stuf under it trying to cool it down. And finally, i managed to get it working. :)

Played command and conquer the whole night, and slept in my bro's place. I'm crazy...

Going away for the weekend...

Will be going away for the weekend to Peak District. Just to see the beautiful scenery of mountains, and to really have a good fellowship with my fellow cell members.

Kinda getting excited to see what God has in store for us. And after a very lazy laid back week, i think it is a good time to get back on track and out of the lazy hole(my room).

Was just going through the topic on 'yielding' to God. Areas in my life where I find it so hard to give up and surrender. Things that I hold so close to my heart, things that are so dear to me...it is really really hard to give it up. Sometimes, I just choose not to admit that its pulling me away from Jesus because I so love it. Or sometimes, I just choose to completely ignore it because I just love it so much. But today, I finally had the courage to talk about it...and although I kinda doubt that I would fully surrender it(I dont trust myself), I am willing to try...and really, this time I cant try alone.

I took 40 mins to write an email, thinking hard on what to write...and having wrestles/arguments with God throughout the writing process... And even after sending that email, I'm still wrestling with God on what I have written...

Life doesn't get any more complicated, does it...

Happy Anniversary

Dont know whether the word 'anniversary' seems too formal or big. But, its officially three years today. Nevertheless, we're thousands of miles apart. Today doesnt have that much significance...its just another day for both of us.

Three years ago, this wonderfully sweet guy asked me the *special* question. I can still remember clearly, where and when, but I wont go into THAT detail. And so, it has been three years.

A long time? Kind of, but mind you this three years had been so bumpy. Lots of hiccups in between but I guess we've made it this far. Distance, has become an issue now... I'm admiting that LDR is not easy at all. But really, we're still trying to work things out.

Will there be a fourth year? The hope of a fourth year remains clear in my mind. Call me stupid, or naive, but I will give all I can to make things work out, and I do know that he will do the same.

No sense

*WARNING*
This will be such a disjointed post, and will probably make totally no sense

There was a sale in Iceland today. Carried lotsa heavy stuff back, and feeling absolutely stupid, coz it wasnt that cheap after all.

I'm labled a control freak. Yea, and so I think I am.

I am utterly confused with my stands. Because I am such a control freak, I try not to be, and realize that I am not such a control freak after all. And after I realize that, someone tells me I am a control freak again. So...am I a control freak?

I've lost a bit of the passion to go home. Maybe its just today...

Vege's are getting cheap in the market. I'm going to get some more tomorrow.

I dont look so forward to going home anymore, maybe coz i hate to think that things will turn out worse.

I think I'm pesimistic now.

And the word control freak is playing in my mind over and over again...

I think I AM a control freak, so congratulate me!

Nostalgic

And so, it will be next week. Facing one of my greatest fears and putting myself through a really tough challenge for me. Even though I've said I have accpeted it, and I am totally alright, I still have not faced the actual fact of it happening. Am I still hurt? I don't know...or rather, i choose not to know...
How will I feel looking at photographs, where the girl next to him is not me?? It wont be me, it wont be me...I know it wont be me. I am really, trying to prepare myself to face the worst ever. Praying for serentiy, grace and peace as even when i think of it, I start to break.

So what's it to do with being nostalgic? Somethings I just remember...
~receiving a dozen of red roses on Valentines day from him
~my very first date with him at 1U watching a really crap movie
~strolling in the park at night with him after Dinah's party
~DJ prom night with him
~SAM prom night with him
But I guess this year, prom night with him doesn't belong to me...

Night up with the boys

Who boys?? Hahaha...just my cousin, Den and brother.

Where?? Brother's room...

Doing what?? Command and Conquer!!! Woooot!!! So FUN!

Networked the computer's together and played as a team. Played till...2am until my bro fell asleep and so did Den. Left the base to defend on itself, and continued the next day. Dog Sh*T a lot of my buildings destroyed, all my tanks gone. Lynn aint know how to play...

Walked home in the morning, and going out for lunch now. :P Might, just might..play again after lunch.