No more blog...

I've almost decided. I will stop blogging. At least not on this particular blog.
Why?
I don't feel as open anymore. I find it hard to let my emotions run. I've run out of what I can write.

So for my last entry, let me just pour out my emotions publicly for the very last time.

This week has been hard. Emotionally and spiritually hard. Very frankly, I havent been spending enough time with God. And just as I ask God for confirmation about something..."BANG!" I get hit bad in the face. But still I take it as a lesson, I still stubbornly refuse to accept any confirmation. Maybe its coz I'm not ready at all. And no matter how many times I say "God, have your way. Take everything you want away from me" I still realize after all the lessons and years of surrendering, here I am still holding on thight to something I should release.
Maybe the only way I really can surrender, is when I really have no other choice...totally helpless. Just like how I'm forced into a corner now, and I have no other comfort other than Jesus...
All in all, this week's youth really encouraged me.

Lord, I really want to surrender. Please remind me to surrender.