Am I ready to stand up?

Two weeks more before I finally return to the great land of Malaysia. Its such a nice feeling to look forward to going home..oh how I miss my family and friends. I've realized that as much as I dislike my parents (constant) nagging and lack of freedom, I've grown to miss my parents a lot. I truly am looking forward to going home.
All would be perfect, if not for a few burdens in my heart.Its been there since a couple of weeks ago. One of it is about standing up for God. Am I ready to make my stand? Am I ready to face the battle I always feared of? To be honest, I am afraid. Very afraid. Standing up for God might mean 'war'.

I dont feel ready to reason out with dad. I dont feel ready to answer him when I'm being confronted. But yet, I so strongly feel that I need to take a step further into doing something that I've desired for such a long time. Is it the right time? I need fellowship. I need church. I need cell.
What excuse am I going to give to excuse myself on Sunday mornings? It would be obvious on where I'll be going. I dont want to come up with excuses and white lies to go to church. I want to be strong for God. Yet I am scared. I dont feel strong enough. Even at the thought of it, i break down and cry. What more facing my dad face to face. Why am I so fearful of him??

And then the question...where church, what church, how church..??

I know I should trust God to open doors. Singing 'Above All' today, indeed God is above all the ways of men, so why should I fear? But right now, I dont feel strong enough.

I dont want my family to break. I dont want my mum to go through the same pain she went through before. And thinking of it now...I know I'm not trusting God enough to not worry. I admit it...I am scared...

Lord, please grant me the strength and wisdom to stand up strong for You,
I pray that You take away all my fears and insecurities.
Amen.